Saturday, April 26, 2008

Togetherness and Apartness

There's nothing like a shared activity that both members of a couple enjoy equally well. For many, it could be traveling, dancing, watching movies, taking long walks, or even getting "lost" in a bookstore.

But doing things apart can also be an effective way of cementing your relationship. Sometimes it is just the way things pan out--one is meeting a friend while the other has a commitment or an opportunity in a different place.

For example, today I met a friend while my husband went to the horse races. He enjoys my friend, and I enjoy being with him at the races too, but today, we each did our own thing.

These opportunities can be golden moments to remember who you are as an individual, regardless of who else you are connected with. And that makes for good, healthy relationships--to have a well-defined and well-developed sense of self. (Otherwise known as a mature self!)

It takes conscious effort to keep togetherness and apartness in balance, to take your partner's well-being and state of mind into consideration, and make sure it is always a win-win situation.

If you are struggling with either too much togetherness or apartnes, or not being on the same page as your partner, consider discussing it with a more experienced couple or with a therapist.

Remember, I'm here for you in your relationship challenges! Call me at 425 652-1413 or email me sheryl@sunraycounseling.com .

Sunday, April 20, 2008

It's all better now!

A trend I have noticed in some couples, is that just when things are starting to get better, they feel so positive and enthusiastic that they stop coming in for sessions.

Now that can be a very good thing, if one or two sessions is all it takes to get you back on track. Not everyone who comes in for therapy has an earth shattering matter to solve.

I'm all for getting on with life, and not being a "professional client."

(Remember people who went to college year after year--trying to figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up--calling themselves "professional students"?)

(And please don't mistake me for rushing the person who has had serious trauma, that does take the time that it takes, and I honor that.)

Just like the role of parenting, one of a therapist's goals is, "to work themselves out of a job."

So that being said, sometimes people sabotage their success by quitting too soon, by not taking the time to get new patterns of relating really reinforced.

Looking forward to doing that deep and meaningful work with you in making your relationship everything you want it to be!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

When the unspeakable happens...

Some of you might be wondering, does she work with people who have my problem?

Invariably, people who show up in a counselor's office have very personal subject matter they want to get answers for.

This can range all the way from some form of sexual dysfunction or lack of interest or difference in interest, to betrayal in the form of an affair of some kind.

When challenges in the relationship reach a high pitch of dissatisfaction, very often one person will want out when the other very much does not want out.

This is a good time to reach out for professional help. Before making a decision that will impact your entire family, give it a chance to discuss all the options in a neutral setting such as is available in a therapist's office.

And rest assured, your personal business is kept confidential as per the professional ethics that are held by trained therapists in this field.

Please call me at 425 652-1413 with any questions you may have. I am always pleased to be of service.