Togetherness and Apartness

There's nothing like a shared activity that both members of a couple enjoy equally well. For many, it could be traveling, dancing, watching movies, taking long walks, or even getting "lost" in a bookstore.

But doing things apart can also be an effective way of cementing your relationship. Sometimes it is just the way things pan out--one is meeting a friend while the other has a commitment or an opportunity in a different place.

For example, today I met a friend while my husband went to the horse races. He enjoys my friend, and I enjoy being with him at the races too, but today, we each did our own thing.

These opportunities can be golden moments to remember who you are as an individual, regardless of who else you are connected with. And that makes for good, healthy relationships--to have a well-defined and well-developed sense of self. (Otherwise known as a mature self!)

It takes conscious effort to keep togetherness and apartness in balance, to take your partner's well-being and state of mind into consideration, and make sure it is always a win-win situation.

If you are struggling with either too much togetherness or apartnes, or not being on the same page as your partner, consider discussing it with a more experienced couple or with a therapist.

Remember, I'm here for you in your relationship challenges! Call me at 425 652-1413 or email me sheryl@sunraycounseling.com .

What is the real reason?

Have you ever had an argument/discussion with your partner, only to realize that all that intensity and disagreement was really about something else? For example, you have a heated debate about who left the garage door open, and when all is said and done, you are left feeling like something was completely left out.

I often refer to interactions that we all have with other people as being on several levels. At the very least, you have the surface issue, which is usually about the circumstances. Possibly there are times when exchanges between people are mostly just plain and simple--on this level. But I'm sure you've all had the experience of knowing for a fact that this discussion really isn't about who did the dishes.

Perhaps the next level concerns trust. Can you count on the other person to do what he or she said they would do? Can you count on their word? Or maybe it's about control. Who is the dominant partner, and in what areas? Possibly it's a simple personality difference.

These situations make for great introductions in a therapy session. Often by starting with a simple incident that took place recently, we can unravel some of the underlying causes of discord or discontent between partners and other family members.

To find out more about the therapy work I do, go to my main website, http://www.sunraycounseling.com/ and check out the FAQ page, or sign up for my free "31 Ways to Brighten Your Life." Or give me a call at 425 652-1413.

Catch you later!